Something really tries to prevent me from writing these lines... How vain...
But I have lyrics of all those songs to explain myself, so it doesn't matter...
You know you're pushing you push your luck again
You know you're twisted you twist the knife again
You know I'll save my pain for the darkest night
We know there's nothing we know the past is gone
I realise you're not the only one
I'll take my time, the future's bright
Or maybe this...
Our feelings play with us,
But you must keep yourself under control
If you're searching for resolves,
Be ready for the tolls
No, I'm not some FREAK!!
And again, someone, yes, someone is trying very desperate to pull me out of the pond of gloom...
There is a way to understand without a language, don't be afraid
Use the words you've found, dance around
Just a simple way to be yourself...
...today
Leonard... You've really been an help...
Tuesday 18 August 2009
Wednesday 29 July 2009
Do we have what we have?
Do we have what we have?
An interesting tale to tell
The nights taking your control
Makes you feel droll
Then anguish takes the role
Deep within your soul
Silencing like a spell
Do we have what we have?
And no longer you have escape
Silence sounds like a scrape
Having noone listening to you
Obsolete like an old tape
Silencing you like a spell
Do we have what we have?
Impotence, fear and disgrace
Paralyzed with all their threads
No wonder you're trying to erase
The question in your mindspace
Which silences you as well
Do we have what we have?
Yes I have that
But you don't!
An interesting tale to tell
The nights taking your control
Makes you feel droll
Then anguish takes the role
Deep within your soul
Silencing like a spell
Do we have what we have?
And no longer you have escape
Silence sounds like a scrape
Having noone listening to you
Obsolete like an old tape
Silencing you like a spell
Do we have what we have?
Impotence, fear and disgrace
Paralyzed with all their threads
No wonder you're trying to erase
The question in your mindspace
Which silences you as well
Do we have what we have?
Yes I have that
But you don't!
Thursday 14 May 2009
Torn pages of Leon'Ard's secret diary #1
...
The 13th birthday
"Happy birthday, young one" - Cloaked Magician
Everything started with a dream, on 21th of October, my birthday. I've had a very realistic dream that night, and met with him, the cloaked magician.
Alone in a misty forest, a questioning voice from behind scared me like a hell:
"Looking for something, young one?"
I've turned around, and met with the owner of the voice, an ordinary young man with pony tail, probably at his early 20s. Everything about him was perfectly normal, except the cloak which is like it's made of a starry night, like all those stars have been buried inside the cloak, flowing endlessly.
"It seems that this cloak draws too much attention, isn't it?"
The unexpected question caught the target perfectly, and I was unable to answer while staring at him.
"I know that today is your birthday, young one"
Finally able to get rid of that stunning surprise feeling, I got my voice back:
"I feel like I know you, have we met before?"
Smiling, he answered "Yes and no."
"is it yes or no?" I insisted childisly.
"Both"he replied...
...
The 13th birthday
"Happy birthday, young one" - Cloaked Magician
Everything started with a dream, on 21th of October, my birthday. I've had a very realistic dream that night, and met with him, the cloaked magician.
Alone in a misty forest, a questioning voice from behind scared me like a hell:
"Looking for something, young one?"
I've turned around, and met with the owner of the voice, an ordinary young man with pony tail, probably at his early 20s. Everything about him was perfectly normal, except the cloak which is like it's made of a starry night, like all those stars have been buried inside the cloak, flowing endlessly.
"It seems that this cloak draws too much attention, isn't it?"
The unexpected question caught the target perfectly, and I was unable to answer while staring at him.
"I know that today is your birthday, young one"
Finally able to get rid of that stunning surprise feeling, I got my voice back:
"I feel like I know you, have we met before?"
Smiling, he answered "Yes and no."
"is it yes or no?" I insisted childisly.
"Both"he replied...
...
Sunday 19 April 2009
What draws you apart may pull you closer...
You know, it sometimes feel so painful to have someone very close, but so far... The threads of fate that bounds you together, may allow you to feel what burdens that close person, but when it comes to intervention... You need more than just a "feeling" to officially intervene with someone, even the closest one...
I wonder why you've been keeping me this far... What was your purpose...
I feel something troubles you and maybe they're more than one, but to whom will you tell what ails you?
Our blood draws us closer, the time is coming...
And I'll post these deranged words of mine so maybe, just maybe, my distant prayers may reach out you...
Who knows?
I wonder why you've been keeping me this far... What was your purpose...
I feel something troubles you and maybe they're more than one, but to whom will you tell what ails you?
Our blood draws us closer, the time is coming...
And I'll post these deranged words of mine so maybe, just maybe, my distant prayers may reach out you...
Who knows?
Monday 30 March 2009
Please Hear what I'm Not Saying
Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I'm afraid to take off
And none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.
My surface may be smooth but
my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it is followed by acceptance,
If it is followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to. I'm afraid to.
mask I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a façade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,
And my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.
I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings --
very small wings,
but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator --
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.
Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books may say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
gold mask Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.
Charles C. Finn
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I'm afraid to take off
And none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.
My surface may be smooth but
my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it is followed by acceptance,
If it is followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to. I'm afraid to.
mask I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a façade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,
And my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.
I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings --
very small wings,
but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator --
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.
Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books may say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
gold mask Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.
Charles C. Finn
Monday 23 February 2009
Words of Power? Power of words?
I'm so suprised to see this blog in the google search results, but there it is.
It seems that the word "technique" usually preffered to "technic" but, they both are true.
I wonder who made a search of "deception tecnics" :D a cheated girfriend who seeks for revenge maybe :D
It seems that the word "technique" usually preffered to "technic" but, they both are true.
I wonder who made a search of "deception tecnics" :D a cheated girfriend who seeks for revenge maybe :D
Wednesday 11 February 2009
Eclipse
What an irony, I have nothing to say, but say some "nothing" anyway.
Faith is a key to so many possibilities, even those seem impossible, but even though you know it, you cannot reach it easily.
A key that is so close, yet so far... how painful to watch... how painful to be gone through...
But for how long, can you keep believing in yourself, with nobody supporting... It's a hard fact to swallow, isn't it?
It's too painful even to take a look, and I'm going through it, surrounded by that reality. So down... so sad... so..... never mind...
Losing your faith brings you nothing good...
You wonder who am I talking to, don't you? I don't know either...
Faith is a key to so many possibilities, even those seem impossible, but even though you know it, you cannot reach it easily.
A key that is so close, yet so far... how painful to watch... how painful to be gone through...
But for how long, can you keep believing in yourself, with nobody supporting... It's a hard fact to swallow, isn't it?
It's too painful even to take a look, and I'm going through it, surrounded by that reality. So down... so sad... so..... never mind...
Losing your faith brings you nothing good...
You wonder who am I talking to, don't you? I don't know either...
Wednesday 14 January 2009
The Diamond and The Imitation
"Tonight we should let ourselves to be cleansed.. let your boundaries to be perished by the beams of freedom. Deny the realities and live in a dream for a minute.
I will erase what I disclaim, and render them invisible, then forgotten. I will set them as a lie, I will.
You don't now what I mean, do you? I doubt it. You must know what I disclaim if you ever imagine to understand me. Getting visions which are burried in my complex definitions are no picnic.
I can engulf you in chaos with my crazy-talk, but be careful with my sentences because they can hide various mysteries of my life or whole life itself."
I have made this decision long ago, but some people decided to mimic me now. And now they are erasing what they disclaim, setting it as a lie.
There is nothing to say to what is already occured, but at least don't accuse me of imitating you like before, because it is you who imitates me...Friday 9 January 2009
I Curse You
The horrid winds blow away
The boundary on your way
Terrifiying the way
You form a life out of clay
The moon, the sun and the stars
Wise mercury and the fiery Mars
Hear my distant plea over winds
Wish a metamorphosis
True love
I wish true love
You're just a liar
I want your love
I just want love
You're so cruel
I adore you, your highness
I was a castle, now some ruins
go on, praise your success
Only if you think it's a success
The moon, the sun and the stars
Wise mercury and the fiery Mars
Hear my distant plea over winds
Wish a metamorphosis
True love
I wish true love
You're just a liar
I want your love
I just want love
You're so cruel
I can't run, I can't stay
Agony's always the only way
But still I am after you
Since the hate returning everyday
True love
I wish true love
You're just a liar
I want your love
I just want love
You're so cruel
What will happen then (I curse you)
To reality and sanctity(I curse you)
What will happen to us (I curse you)
Insanity then solitary
Your love
I did want love
But you did not
Hear my last wish just for you
Painful ordeal to be gone through
I curse you
I curse you
I curse you...
The boundary on your way
Terrifiying the way
You form a life out of clay
The moon, the sun and the stars
Wise mercury and the fiery Mars
Hear my distant plea over winds
Wish a metamorphosis
True love
I wish true love
You're just a liar
I want your love
I just want love
You're so cruel
I adore you, your highness
I was a castle, now some ruins
go on, praise your success
Only if you think it's a success
The moon, the sun and the stars
Wise mercury and the fiery Mars
Hear my distant plea over winds
Wish a metamorphosis
True love
I wish true love
You're just a liar
I want your love
I just want love
You're so cruel
I can't run, I can't stay
Agony's always the only way
But still I am after you
Since the hate returning everyday
True love
I wish true love
You're just a liar
I want your love
I just want love
You're so cruel
What will happen then (I curse you)
To reality and sanctity(I curse you)
What will happen to us (I curse you)
Insanity then solitary
Your love
I did want love
But you did not
Hear my last wish just for you
Painful ordeal to be gone through
I curse you
I curse you
I curse you...
Wednesday 7 January 2009
The Fine Line Between Music and Magic
In ancient eras, where sharp swords and accurate arrows ruled; music was not only an entertainment, but an effective weapon. Bards used them for encouragement, seductive witches used them for enticement and necromancers used them for discordance...
In those times, music was created for both creation and destruction alike...
Today, technology spread out every corner in life, while true magic faded away, some burned at stake like their casters, some encrypted within ancient, dusty books...
And now, music is treated as a piece of the entertainment business. But beware, in the right hands, a sequence of notes or a piece of melodic lyric can be either your salvation or damnation...
Like what happened to some...
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